Ramadhan blues

Whether it is a good thing or not, this whole week I got a holiday as the convener of the class had to go outstation and felt drafting someone else in such short notice as unfair hence canceling the whole week of class. I should be pissed because my government paid hefty fees to get me educated but hey, who doesn't like holiday? My mates invited me to go down to Dunny, but poor them, they don't have holiday, so what am I suppose to do during the day when everyone else at class? (actually, I could do hafazan or some reading, or sleep). So, here I am, at home, with free time to spend and to contemplate and evaluate my Ramadhan this year. The only aim I set this year was that, it must be better than last year's Ramadhan. But that Ramadhan was the worst I ever experienced, and without going into much details on that, it reminded me that to have the eagerness to perform ibadah is a blessing and mercy from Allah itself. To be woken up in the early morning so you're able to perform qiam and have sahur is a blessing as is to have the right state of mind or freedom of time to focus on hafazan or quran recitation. Nevertheless, one doesn't perform ibadah because he is pure or pious, but one performs it in order to purify oneself or reach piety. This is an important concept that I would like to remind myself and others. It debunk the concept: "I'm evil so I don't perform ibadah". Anyway, as alluded earlier, the state of my Ramadhan last year was bad and it was only a manifestation of the regression that I have experienced as far as I can remember when I stop involving in dakwah activities 3 years ago. It strike me today, I haven't made much improvement to myself since, and in fact, I am in a state worse than I was. I was demystified of my current state only when observing how much my mates have progressed. I'm not sure where I'm going with this musing but the point is, the regression must stop now, retrain my self-discipline, endure the journey and pray for the result.

Remember this cat?


He's kinda serious underneath those makeup:


And also master of disguise:


Stolen from pantip.com